Intergenerational Trauma 101
At some point over the past year I was taught that so much of my reality was installed into me as a child. It landed the first time because it was presented to me artfully and with relevant examples (Thanks John Wineland!). What is crazy is just how many layers of truth I have uncovered in that sentiment in the intervening months.
The place I am in right now feels like bursts of clarity amidst a cloud of confusion. So when recently I came across a passage in Under Saturns Shadow, I had one of those cloud burst moments. The author noted that men haven’t been taught what it means to be a man and are just using personas as their proxy. So if you make a lot of money or sleep with a lot of women then you are a man. I know plenty of people that can lay claim to one or both of those references and are more confused than anyone else. Like a dog that has caught the car, they have no idea what to do with and see the accomplishment as inconsequential.
Knowing that I thought of successful men in those disciplines as Men, the idea really landed for me. And then I felt a wave of anger at my dad for not giving me better guidance (or any guidance to be more precise). I thought of how I was raised by the school system and given talks about sex and ethics from people that had ulterior motives. Then I realized that my dad probably left me hanging because his father did the same to him. And then I passed the buck from my grandpa off to people I have no recollection of ever knowing. I am not sure how much solace there is in this relay race but it did make it hard to point the finger.
But then I thought of what my grandpa did have: a controlling and critical wife who did not seem satisfied with the successes of anyone in my family. My mom used to talk about how critical my grandma was but failed to see the same behaviors in herself. At that point I looked at my own failed relationship and saw the same attributes and realized that my male line was either attracted to or created this specific trait. Now, candidly, I am the first of my male line to get a divorce, but ironically, it has also freed me from this pattern.
Not only am I actively working to become the sort of man that does not relate to or manifest this type of relationship, but I am also going to raise my boys to know what it means to be a man in this world. I am learning to create a container for them so that they will know how to create a container for their partners. Now I don’t know if we find these partners because they are just our energetic comfort zone from our childhoods or if these patterns are actually the ongoing work of our souls and the gateway to a deeper connection with the divine, but I do know for certain, and first hand, that these patterns are real, and dominating. And with some consciousness and attention these patterns can and will be broken and it opens us up to go deeper and with more love. I am still a novice in this area but if you want to engage with me on the matter please reach out to me on Instagram at DivinelyDeep or at MaxHeartDepth@gmail.com.
Start Here
Greetings fellow seeker. You have found me. I am not sure how relatable my path is. It is likely up to your openness and your own projections of the world to decide that. But my story is a good one if nothing else, and a powerful one to the people that need to hear it.
This story started long before my current existence and even before my birth. I have trouble placing its origin, but it started generations ago, likely in Europe, possibly earlier. At least for now, my calling likely speaks more to the men of this planet than the women, but to any woman that reads this I do hope that it informs you of much of the cause of your own dissatisfactions and may inspire you to help heal our men that are so deeply in need of nourishment.
I write these words as an angry man, and one who is happy to claim his anger. I was taught that my anger was dangerous and to disavow myself of it. But today I claim it fully and honor it as a powerful part of my being and as a potential force for good.
Why am I angry? I am angry at society because I was lied to. I am angry at women because they confuse me, I am angrier at men because I wasn’t taught anything about what it means to be a man and I am angriest with myself for buying into all of this nonsense.
Thankfully, I am also filled with another new feeling that I am happy to claim. Compassion. I feel so much compassion for women of this era for having to deal with lost men, I feel so much compassion for men because I believe I wasn’t taught anything because the living males of my life weren’t taught themselves. So I don’t have any living men to really blame here. And I have so much compassion for myself. I have always tried what I believed to be my best, and think most people can claim the same.
For a number of reasons, I don’t have much to offer yet beyond a chance to walk alongside me as I continue my growth. And I do invite you to join me. To challenge me. To praise me. To use my experiences as opportunities for your own self discovery. I am a seeker and what I seek lately is the divine. And lately, I have stopped looking upward as much as I see so much of the above is really down below. That is why I am in search of divine depth. And you are welcome here.