Commitment

I have been wayward here but I intend on making a run at really getting a good amount of posting in for anyone who is interested. Even as I write this I wonder if blogging is dead and I need to be posting videos but I digress. This is my offer and this is how it is going down for now.

What I have decided to do is break this work down into different groups. One for fathers, One for husbands and One for Single Men. I think the challenges that are presented in each category show up differently and as such deserve dedicated channels. At the same time I think that all groups I identified really get down to the same few core issues. And that in many ways is empowering. We are all trying our best and there are actual answers when we are willing to surrender to the current of life. I will try to make at least one post a week per channel and more frequent content on Instagram.

Attachment

There are some concepts that loom so large in me that I feel as though I may end up spending my entire life trying to even obtain a healthy relationship with them.

My relationship to attachment often takes on the feel of a Final Boss. And even though I know I have claimed some solid victories here, I know that there is more clarity to come and I continue to work with the subject.

It is not yet clear to me what precipitates attachment, but I am very aware of my desire for certain outcomes. I am happy to say that it has lessened over time, but it does have the texture of one of those areas where I fall back into patterns without meticulous attention being paid to the space.

Today I will only focus on the first component as I see it. Attachment to outcome.

Attachment to outcome is deeply affecting from a number of perspectives. If we start at the end and work backwards I hope that there may be a number of new clarities that are open to you when you are ready to receive them. As a reminder, if you would like to discuss any concept further you can reach me through a number of mediums, most notably instagram and maxheartdepth@gmail.com.

If we don’t achieve that which we set out to, there are a number of affectations. We typically feel a sense of failure at a minimum and it can include textures of shame, scarcity and feelings of unworthiness or lack of love. While, we should seek to sit with any emotion and welcome it, regardless of whether we or society deems that feeling as negative, it is still nonetheless likely to put us in a state of closure and put energy in our heads to try to make ourselves feel better.

My guess is that everything I have written until now is pretty obvious. And this part might be obvious too. By seeking an outcome in a situation, we aren’t going to be as present or enjoying the situation as much, given the pressure. This leads to a bit of manifestation whereby our energy being dispersed and focused on a future event inherently leads to a greater chance of not achieving the thing we are seeking. Athletes and artists speak of being in the zone or in flow but another way to think of it is just being in a state of relaxation and just letting life unfold in front of you. My current experience of this is that while it can be faked to a degree, it also has to come from a natural state of relaxation and free of triggering.

So that leads me to the most important thing I think about currently with respect to attachment. If we are desiring a certain outcome then it is because of a pattern or habit we have developed during our life and are inherently in a state of scarcity and closure. We don’t feel the magnetism of needing something unless we feel (consciously or subconsciously) the lack to begin with. And to be clear there is absolutely nothing wrong with these states. They are merely parts of a larger drama playing out in all of our lives. But at each level of attachment, when we can honestly and compassionately check in with ourselves and ask why? Why am I upset I did not achieve my goal? why does it matter that I get this thing? why do I feel lacking? Each way can lead us towards a new understanding. One where we can welcome attachment as a teacher and one which gives us the opportunity to offer more love and consciousness to the world.

A New Hope

I don’t have the ability to see what plagues other humans, rarely do I even have the ability to see what plagues me. But today a tiny pebble was knocked loose and a little more light has shone in.

In many ways I am at a crossroads in life. I can see limitless different shifts that are opening and closing to me that I could choose, consciously or unconsciously, to step into. One of the biggest ones is about my career. Regardless of what others may think, I am extremely proud of the mountain I have climbed and the financial security I have obtained for myself. I certainly crave more at times and even the words I write here are braided with a texture of and a gesture towards monetization. But profitability and reduced hours are really only attempts to achieve the ultimate masculine goal of freedom. And this aspiration is where things have turned darker for me today.

I will write about it many times over because it is a powerful theme in my life, but previously unbeknownst to me, I experienced a safety of sorts by constantly aspiring to do things the right way with the belief that if things weren’t working out the way I wanted then I could just try a different way until I achieve my goal. The subtext is that there is a solution and I just haven’t found it yet.

But today I got hit with some hard possibilities. What if this journey doesn’t lead me to any real answers? what if my brain and body just aren’t capable of answering the questions I have asked and the years of teachers and journeys are a dead end or at best a distraction. And if that isn’t a hard enough pill to swallow already; what if I am never going to get the love I want, or be loved for who I am? The implications here are massive, especially in light of some other developments of late.

I secretly hold out hope that I am getting this one wrong too, but that is where I am today. Face down the barrel of a very big gun.

You Found Me

Let’s make this as simple as possible. I did not find you. You found me. It could be because of a google search or a reference, or divine intervention, but now we find ourselves bound by a thread. It may be our first thread together, or perhaps there are more, but I want to start with a harsh truth.

Humans don’t find me because they are overflowing with love and joy. I am found by those that are seeking. Seeking to stop the pain, seeking to understand their path, or simply seeking distraction. It does not matter.

At this early stage all that must be asked is whether your patterns and habits are working for you and bringing you joy. If the answer is no, and my experience of the world is that it likely is, then I may offer you some hope.

You can change these patterns. And I can help. But this is not self development. Quite the opposite. You were created in the image of god and are already perfect even if you can’t see it yet. All I have to offer you is a new brush to paint the art that is your life. And it is a brush that you must choose to take and to learn how to use. If you want to walk this path together please feel free to get in touch with me. As I noted in the about section, if I continue on my current path I expect not to have a private offering until 2026 at the earliest as I am currently engaged in a career I love and am using my free time to refine my own brushstrokes. But that doesn’t preclude us from learning and walking together. So if you feel compelled, you can follow me on Instagram at DivinelyDeep or email me at MaxHeartDepth@gmail.com should any other desire to connect arise.